If Someone Hurts You....

Is Forgiveness A Free Pass?

When someone hurts you, whether it is in a romantic relationship or in a friendship, it can be extremely difficult to ever forgive them. Because often, we see forgiveness as a free pass to the person who hurt us. How frequently, in conversation, have you heard someone say “I will never, ever forgive them!”

I know this because forgiveness was almost impossible for me in the past. I found it so difficult to forgive the person who abused me, when in an intimate relationship. If you are in love with someone, who then hurts you physically, it also hurts you emotionally.

It’s not something that you simply brush off or forget about. The insecurities from those experiences caged me. And….I felt so disappointed in myself for staying. If I had given it words to any of my close friends and family, they would have immediately urged me to leave, but I didn't. I knew it was wrong and it was hurting me physically and emotionally.

When this idea of forgiveness was brought to my attention, I felt an overwhelming feeling of anger. Why should I forgive this person? This person was wrong and this person should be punished and made to apologise. This person had caused me so much pain….

And then…..I woke up.

An Awakening

And, in this awakening, I realised that I was the person who was hurting myself, because I was locking myself in this emotional cage, that someone else had created for me.

A lot of the reasons why I found it so hard to forgive this person was that I was waiting for them to try and set me free by saying and acknowledging……”I’m sorry Regan, I didn't want to hurt you. This was wrong”. I was waiting for them to tell me that I was worthy, that I was valued and that I didn't deserve that behaviour. But, you know…...that day…...that day was never going to come. 

Who Holds The Key to Your Happiness?

The people who had hurt me, they didn't hold the key to setting me free of guilt, free of the cage…..it was me. I held the key the whole time! However, this is NOT about excusing the people who have abused you or hurt you in any way, this is about reclaiming your power.

You see, I had not forgiven myself for allowing those people to do what they had done to me. And, the moment that I unlocked myself from this cage, I was set free.

Forgiveness Is Freedom

I chose to forgive them and I chose to forgive myself. You cannot change the past….but you can change the present by choosing to forgive right now. When you choose to not forgive and carry the hurt, the anger and the emotional burden….you are being stuck in your past. Those negative people and those negative experiences will consume your mind and control the decisions you make now and the future that you are creating.

And…..guess what? The people that have hurt you aren't even carrying the same pain, they don't even know that they have done anything wrong…..You are the one who is choosing to prolong the agony and choosing to suffer. You are burdening yourself with the lies that they told you. You are sitting there waiting for someone to tell you that they are sorry and that you are not deserving of this….but that is never going to happen. It’s you who is choosing to be a victim of the past, you are choosing to fuel the negative feelings within yourself.

There Is Only The Present

Remember, the past does not exist, and your future and where you are going in your life ...that is what matters. Instead of carrying this pain, take the lessons that these experiences unlock for you and use them to build your strength. Let all of these people be the foundation of your growth. The present is now and it is all that matters. You matter now, they do not.

Forgive them and forgive yourself, because the moment you do, they no longer have power over you. 

Choose to forgive and set yourself free. Choose to forgive and ……..BE FREE!

#Abundance #Attractmore #ReganHillyer

Want to know more? #Askregan

And remember...

You Absolutely Can Have it all

...and you can give back as well.

Regan x